I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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