Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
