this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize