If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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