i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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