why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
