I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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