Kiss
Puke
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
