apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
