I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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