Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
