Im at strip club and am horny
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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