Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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