Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
