dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
