I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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