We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
