are you so shy because you have an std?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
