It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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