btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
