The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
