his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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