i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need moral support for this bender
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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