i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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