Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
