____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
