nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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