Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
