I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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