i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
FUCK WHALES
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