Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
