we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
