I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
