Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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