i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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