trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize