is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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