I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
