what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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