well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
