I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
