i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
