Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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