There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
