yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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