i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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