If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
