The best revenge is premature balding
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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