Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We have started to decorate penises.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
