You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The air was thick with penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
