I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize