I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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