I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
