you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
