I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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