smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
