you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Small penises have feelings too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
