Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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