just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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