is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
