I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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