Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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