i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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