I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
