The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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