I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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