He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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