I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
