So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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